Linkin Park and Cat Cuddles

Hello to all the non-existent people who don't read my blog, how are you all?

Well I am not doing so well, as I expected for around this time of year. Also what makes it all the better is your mother sending you a text just to remind you that it has been two years since the worst day of my life so far.. thanks mum.. awesome. 

I can't accurately express everything. My head is a mess and I am feeling like a worthless piece of shit. Questioning my own life again.. and hoping I don't wake up... Its not a way to live is it? More like filling a space and just existing within that space.

I want to have more meaning than that. I want to do something good, something that makes a difference. 

IM NOT OK! 

Fuck balls..i can't event stick to a train of thought. 

I'm getting tired again.. i hate this feeling.. warped and spinning in circles, crying at stupid things. 

My first boy firend treated me like shit, my first girl friend dumped me, I can't blame her i wasn't really good to her.. It was a stupid comment that my nan said to me that made me question my own choices.. thats not family right? Family is supose to stand with you right? My next boy friend wasn't ready for a relationship and i couldn't handle a guy like that. We are still friends to this day though haha.

There are so many other things that are going through my head. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO GET PEOPLE FOR XMAS!

I dont want to leave my cat alone while i go to my mums for christmas. Sounds dumb right? But i dont want her to feel lonely, shes my baby girl. 

I feel kinda used by people, i use them to of course, everyone does that. Its human nature to use one another, and no not in a dirty way, get your minds out of the gutter. 

I really want to be in a relationship. I want someone to look at me and feel all light inside, someone to hold my hand, kiss me, and just hold me. Laugh with me, or at me when i do stupid shit, to tell me off when i go to dark places. 

I want some Unconiditional Love..

I DONT WANT A 21ST! I dont want a party, I just want to be.. do something that i want. Hang with people, go for a long walk along the beach. I just want to have a fun day.. Nope a Party it has to be.. why?? Why you ask? Because that is what my family wants.. right? Coz it doesnt matter that I DIDNT WANT A FUCKING BIRTHDAY AGAIN I FUCKING HATE IT, GOT IT! FUCKING HATE IT!! My own birthday its a trumatic event for me.. like what the fuck is wrong with me that thats a thing?? I wana just run away.. I dont want a day like that anymore.. I'ma just forget that day this year.. its not a birthday.. just a day..of celebration? A day to hang with me? I dont know ...

Fuck it, I'm outies bitches.. 

peace 

4:30 and Thinking, Probably not a good thing

Woke up at 4:30 this morning and am pretty much wide awake. To much going on in my mind again. I think way to much. Its a problem I get from my dad lol.

Christmas is one that has been on my mind a lot. the big question at the moment is what the hell do I get people? Its an expected thing now days, to recive a gift on christmas. Right?

Strangely I don't feel that way any more. I have learned what my love language is and thats all I can think of. (My lave language is acts of service and quality time). I would love just to make more memories with my family..

But again there is an expectation that I feel that I must meet. Its a tough thing, in my mind, no matter what I get, it would not be good enough, nothing that really truely have meaning at all. 

Sounds stupid right?

Haha

Comformaty is the only way to go now I guess. That sounds worse than in the context I mean it. I guess some just forget the meaning of Christmas, its a day to celebrate with your family, to be around them in all their unconditional love. To make new memories, to remember why you love that person the way you do. A day of love right.

Now days its getting the right present or, now days, rage consumes. I mean have you seen some of the shit on youtube and facebook about it? My mum and dad got me the wrong iPhone or the wrong car... OMFG you got an iPhone and a car you little shit be mother fucking grateful. 

I dont want something that is just an object. I want moments, I want memories. Times back that I can relive again and again so that I can smile and my faith in Love is returned.

Rather gloomy post as usual, but today is a good day, I'm feeling rather happy haha.

Just tired again coz its is way to fucking early to be up and awake.

So, back to trying to sleep, and if that fails, guess I'll read manga.

Have a happy Christmas guys.

Peace yall :3

Purple, My Colour of Empowerment and Strength

I have been trying to work out my life for what seems like forever. Trying to work out who I am. Thats the more important question right? Who am I? What am I?
There is a common misconseption that you have to work out who you are before a certain age.. They ask you when your younger what you want to be when you grow up, and that question is asked of you for years to come after untill high school where you are supose to work it all out. Pick the right subjects so you can go to uni and get a degree and then you can get into the best jobs. Well fuck that. I am twenty years old, will be twenty one in 24 days, and I can say that I am still fumbling around trying to work shit out. Especiallly who the fuck I am.
I have never really been a happy person, I have had the greatest experiences in my life so far, but I can never truly say that I have been a happy person. As my sister has told me (after I asked her what I was like) .. I was a downer. And I can't express how sorry I am to the effects that had to the people around me. Probably why they all view me as glass.
I can see the truth to her words though, looking back. I wasn't a downer directly to anyone else, mostly myself, which probably ruined a lot of relationships for me in the past. But I can safely say that I am doing a lot better now. Still working out a lot of things, and the month of December doesnt really help with all that, with all the shitty memories. And I know that I am still so fucking lost in my life, still stumbling down the path before me, and FUCK!!! is all that I can think to say.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING! No really what the fuck can I do in my life?? I want to be able to help people, help them in some way that saves them from being where I am. Lost. Its the shittiest feelings to have. I want to become a social worker, its my passion, my love, what I want to do with my life. I want to help people. Thats all I have ever wanted to do.

When I actually picked what I wanted to do with my life, my father told me I was going to fail. Great thing to say to an 17yr old who was able to make the choice of what she wanted to do with her life, even though everything was on shaking ground and not really able to make a solid choice about anything. Right.

Well then shit hit the fan after that really, my ex was being a cunt, one of my best mates left me to fend for myself and I was in a new place with strangers. There were some really good things though, that happened that year, some that I will carry with me for a long time. 

My first memorie was sitting in the car with my mother, she was helping me bring my stuff down to my hostle at Uni on campus. It was good really, she helped me set things up, I spent the night with her and then she dropped me off in the morning. Well then the tears insued after that. My mate was rather at a loss of what to do, he was not use to me crying haha. Me saying good bye to her was a way of saying good bye to my child dependence on her. Yea I was mature at that point, but there was something that always was there, even now we still have that thing that makes us kids back when mum would do the washing, make our beds and lunches for school.

It was me saying good bye to all that. Then as first year ended, I went back home .. then the parental split happened. I have probably mentioned this in other posts. But it was not a good experience. I was a fucked up kid, (less so now). Having that foundation torn from me before I was really ready for it, was shit. Did not end well for me. It took me a long time for me to accept that I needed help to move on from this. I have an amazing councilor. She is such a wonderful person, has a way of understanding and allowing me to make up my mind while talking to her. I supose all councilors are like that, but it was a good working relationship. She set the boundaries and allowed me to do the same. 

I am really greatful to her, and her help, and its a comfort to know that I do have that support and also that I could have the strength to go to a councilor and be like "hey, I am struggling and I really need someone to help me."

I had an arogance at the time where I thought I could work through it all by myself. Well I couldn't. And so bam, after talking to my flat mate and her sitting down and telling me to fill out the online form, I was setting up an apointment and then met L who I thank for helping me. 

I learned a lot about myself in L's office. About myself and about others. 

I am becoming more confident in myself, and I will still have set backs, much like today, but I will work through them and be ok. 

Such a funny thing going from one mind space to another that is so foreign to you. Kind of spins your head a bit, but it fills you with a feeling, like stength, but its a hard feeling to express into words. Empowered. Sure. Found. Lite. Sad. Tired. Its all these things wrapped up and flowing through you.

Peace and Love 

I'm outties  

Feels like I'm Falling

I can't really explain it... its like I'm lost in my own mind. I eat, I sleep, I get up, I shower, I feed my cat, I brush my teeth... i get all of that done and then.. its like "Now what??"
I have study to do, but thats not what I end up doing. I could write in one of my various stories.. but I don't.

I sit down and watch a movie or a TV show (-yes in one sitting), then its over and I'm like.. "What now?" I can't even make up my mind on what songs I want to listen to. Egh... I have no idea what you call this. I'm kinds running on auto pilot .. 

Maybe I'm worn out??
Maybe I'm shutting down cause I can't handle whats going on? Can't handle my own self??
I hate this feeling, numb... like..I'm falling infinately..

Well I'm going to try gaming on 7 Days to Die and see if that helps. Killing zombies should be fun haha. Either that or Path of Exile and try again with my shadow character. 

Well this is a short post today.. may decied to write tomorrow or a week from now. 

Peaceout

Dreaming of Better Days

Hello, back again

I have been needing to write and could not think of the medium in which i needed to. I then i was like, hey... I have a blog that i could write on haha.

Where to start. Well in the begining, I made this blog cause my friend had one and it made me want one, a place that i could just post what ever i wanted and be completely anonymous. A Place to rant about all the shit things going on. But thats not what this one is going to be about. Its going to be my most honest blog post yet.
My name is Anne-Marie, I am 20 years old (turning 21 in December)
I am currently studying at Massey University in Palmerston North to become a Social Worker. 

I am 5ft 11 and i have no idea how much I weigh.. dont really want to either haha
My room is highly themed in the colour purple and an impressive collection of soft toys and cute things.
I love dragons and nice smelling candles. I also love owls and bears, and yes teddy bears.
I collect spiritual stones and believe that what ever happens in life, happens for a reason. Even if we dont know why yet.
I have a cat who I adore, even though she anoys the hell out of me sometimes. Her name is Regina and she is currently about 10 years old (adopted her about a year and a half ago).

When i was 16 i had my first boyfriend, we were in a long distance relationship (he lives in America) and he was 20 at the time. We'll call him R. We went out for two years, until I broke it off before I started univeristy.
We had broken up once before, he dumped me, because I had a very close guy mate and R got jealous and broke up with me.
I was at the stupid age where if anyone showed me any attention, I would lap it up, roll around in it like a giant pile of leaves in autum. I was never unfaithful to R, but I did flirt a lot with other people. I was also that girl who would do anything for the one they loved, even if it made them extreamly uncomfortable. And I, like many girlfriends all over the world, sent nude pictures to him. it made me feel sexy that i could do that and arouse him. Well after i broke up with him, it turned around and bit me in the arse. 

He sent the pictures to all my friends on facebook, including my big brother, and one of his mates who then messaged me and harrased me. I was humiliated and felt so ashamed that i had done that, and that others were seeing something i sent in confidence to someone. So i started up a lie that i was drunk when he took those photos. It made me feel better that the blame wasn't on me. That he was the only bad guy. I didnt feel so ashamed after i spreed that lie around. 

I broke up with R because I could see how dark my path was ahead. I had stopped eating, my moods were on a constant low, and I knew that i would end up making myself ill if i carried on. 

So I sent him a message, i took the cowards way out with this one. I just couldn't bring myself to wait till i could get home and call R over skype. So using the free facebook on my phone, i sent a long message during lunchtime. 

We did talk after school, though i didn't really want to. But i did, and then he convinced me that we should try for a week, see if he could change. I couldn't even last two days. But it wasn't him that i wanted to change, it was me that needed to change. To move on. 

I did go out with my first girlfriend in the period that me and R were broken up the first time. It didn't last as i was a pretty shit girlfriend to her and i understood why she broke up with me. 

The next was B and he was so good to me. Sweet and caring. I could not tell you if he was my rebound guy, or someone I genuinly wanted to be with. It didn't work out with him either, but for a whole bunch of different reasons. He wasn't quite ready for a relationship with a girl like me. We are still friends to this day, and flirt buddies..

I have been single for about two years. And sure its fucking lonely as shit, and im pretty sure I'm turning into a crazy cat lady, but it is also good for me to just be with me for a while. To take care of me.

Taking care of me is so fucking hard by the way. I am a whole bunch of trust issues and dark thoughts. And then my parents split up cause my dad wanted out after spending a good few years into their marriage cheating on my mum with four other women. 

Now i could go on to a whole rant about all of this shit. but i wont cause that would take a freaking long time. There is way to much context that i cannot be assed typing out. But the basics is, is that my dad lives in his own fantasy world, he creates things in his head that he believes so totally it blinds him from the truth. He also refussed to leave my mum alone to live her new life. And shes also as fucked up as I am, mentally, but she actually has her shit together, unlike her daughter.

I am currently lost in my own life. Feeling like shit all the time, feeling like i have to be the middle man and keep everyone happy.

I want to be me, I want to be able to say things that i want without having my head ripped off (by my dad).

I am not a happy young woman. I fight with myself everyday to get up and do the things that need to be done. I get mad for no reason. I am so fucking lazy its unreal. And i have lost my some of my ability to have faith in people. More faith than they put in themselves. 

I have even been watching Youtube videos now, speanding most of my days doing that. I think its because I can like these guys, form a crush on them, from an extreamly long and safe distance away. I even gave up on my exersice routine. 

I feel out of touch with my spirituality which was something i was so pasionate about. I feel like its moving on, that I do believe in it but i no longer need it to be a stong factor in my life at present. That i need to learn about me, and have faith in myself now. 

I keep saying in my diary that one day i will get to that good place. I i really do hope that one day I can reach that good place in my life and within myself. Learn to love me, and not just others. 

.

.

.

.

After all this i feel rather sleepy. I should go to bed now anyway, dad is coming by tomorrow for lunch and to drop off stuffs at my brothers. 

I know no one would read this, but if you do, thanks for taking the time to read to the bottom. 

I wish you good luck in your own life, and just know, that there are a lot of people in your life that love you and have faith in you.

PeaceOutandLove from me (Unconditional Teddi <3)

#somethingbeautifultobrightenyourday #owl #sweetlookingbird

Halmark and shedding strings

Hello again, it has indeed been a very long time since i have posted on here.
So what have i been up to lately? Well, nothing, other than seeing a councilor myself.. nothing at all. I have tried to work on my assignments but its almost like the words blur before me, i can even type up the shit i need to.. and i have four weeks remaining until its exam prep time..ou goody!..notttt....
Currently in some pain, cat has been annoying a lot lately. Pretty sure shes on a vendetta against me lately due to my now constant use of my laptop.

I wasn't using it before as i had no inspiration to do so.. plus i was just using my ipad instead... after my laptop was a little unwell with technical difficulties.
I also managed to get outside the other day... about three weeks ago haha.. but i still got outside, had some fresh air and all that jazz. I actually did some weeding, made me feel like i accomplished something.
Still need to do my washing though, and my mum arrives tomorrow to pick me up... sigh.. i keep putting off chores that should be done. I don't know, feel like its just been left for me and my flatmate to do. Yea i understand that B is busy and everything, the rest of us are just lazy bums at home. But its not quite the point. We have done a lot...
I know its coz we are all tired of something. Emotional wear, physical, mental.. everything basically.

On a more exciting note (heh heh, i mean look at that happy face!)
I can write again bitches!! WOOT! 
I have had fun writing it to.. and yes.. yes it is.. its a fan-fic. I have fallen from the grace of original characters and writing.. to the wishful-thinking-ending-combining of your favorite characters in their respectful universes (or in cross overs)..
Thanks right folks.. I am crossing over my two favorite universes. How to Train your Dragon/Ouran High School Host Club.. I LOVE IT!
Ouu its so much fun. I have paired Haruhi and Takashi together.. but they aren't the same kids you knew in Host Club, they are all new and OMG brilliant. Had so much fun developing these guys. 
Anyway thats all for now.
PEACE OUT HOMZ!

STRANGE RUN OF LUCKFeeling good todayHello everyone, haven't posted in a long time, very long time, just haven't been in that good space or frame of mind. Seem to have lost my touch on many things lately. Can't hardly even draw, or write, or even paint. Gets a bit much sometimes. I would love to go back in time and keep myself whole sometimes. Kinda scattered about, just trying to find all those pieces and glue them back together. 
So as a plan to try and get myself back to a good place. First thing was getting that mind set to actually make a change in my life. Second, a change of environment. So we looked and we looked (me and my two other flat mates) and we found one that was just so us. Its a small place, but very warm and full of sun. The new step in our lives (what we planed it to be) so we wrote up our applications, and sent them in. Two weeks, we had heard nothing, then get bad news that our current land lady was rather mean in her interview with the property managers. So our property manager messaged them and patched things up..and so... WE GOT THE FLAT! WOOT WOOT! THE EXCITEMENT!! 

If i could actually do something like that ^ i so freaking would. But pretty sure i would end up dying if i did. But that is not all, nope, some even better news. I have been talking to my mother... and guess what... the Eagles are coming to New Zealand... and you know what I'm going to do??? That's right... road trip with my mum to go and see them. First time going to see them in concert... totally did this while texting her back. 
Yea... I'm one of those girls who is good mates with their mother as well :D don't judge. Also a plus for moving into the new flat... NORMAL TV, it would be rather weird considering i have just been catching up on my shows just on the internet. But the real reason is... that i have a guilty pleasure.. I like to watch the rugby world cup... i know i know, the judgement that i receive for loving to watch the rugby...
But hey it is my only guilty pleasure. And I mean my only one. Not even watching Southpark, or Family Guy.. Nope, just watching the rugby, not many people would take me as the kind of person to actually watch it. Also love watching the Olympics. I love watching them cause i can't do anything that they can haha. Damn my old person body and bones.But hey, i sure can cook like no bodies business.
Here also, have some cuteness

Hes one of my favorite characters from Kuroko no Basket, Kuroko II haha just so cute! 
Anyway, to what i was talking about. I glad its been a good day, not that i haven't had any in a while, but its just been good, something that stands out and make you feel great and that good things in the world still exist. Even above my illness, weak joints and bones, migraines, shit things happenings with friends and family members. Makes me wish that they could last forever, the goods things, not the bad. But i guess you appreciate them more when they are far and few.
Well, that's the end of the Good Day rant.
Peace Out Ya'll 

I have a little baby prey mantis on my ceiling... its pretty adorable... not going to lie haha. 

Anyway, well I am less tired than I was last night, still pretty exhausted, fucking stress gets to me. Also the sun and the heat... dear god the heat.. WHY!! I mean I love being warm and sitting in the sun, but this is just ridiculous.... I get migraines for sitting in it too long though... which is really just a fucking pain in the arse. Me and my mate, to escape some of the heat but also to enjoy the sun (and maybe tan, ... mostly end up burning) we blew up a little kiddies paddling pool. What I mean by blowing it up, we actually blew it up with our own breath.. my head was swimming by the end of it haha. We then filled it by hand, due to the fact that we don't have a proper connection for the hose. It was glorious, we were being classy as fuck. With our beer and cooling down after a hard day in a kiddie pool... yip we be awesome as fuck :D

Second day of classes today, it happens to be one of my favorite classes though. Combining the love of politics and the study of human beings in one class. Political Anthropology.. the name alone expresses its awesomeness. The lecturer makes it better to though. Hes just so lively and interactive with the class. I have had him before in a first year class, Endangered Cultures. Loved it then <3 

This image expresses how my friends react when I am talking about the classes I am talking about. There is me being all enthusiastic and shit (Tamaki-sempi; the blonde one) and then my mates just sit there giving me a weird look or just sighing at me (Kyoya-sempi; glasses one :P). They love me really haha. 

Down side to today? Is that I am in so much pain! Yesterday, I thought I should be nice and carry some of the heavy shit... one was a large box filled with goody bags, the other one was a smaller but heavier box filled with...  I have no idea actually lol. As well as carrying my own bag and a chair so we had something to sit on :/ yay! Felt a bit like a pack horse admittedly. AND THEY CHANGED MY FONT! .. 

I was assigned to making the signs to be put up. So in thinking that I should link things together and opinions of everyone.. I had this really cool block font that looked like someone had written it with finger painting. Looked really cool and different, it was really individualistic and would be really fun. Our cause isn't something to take lightheartedly, but it expressed our uniqueness. It was something ours.But no, in the end it was changed. My effort was discarded... yes it took me five minutes but it took me that long to try and find the same colors to match the logo... but no... Its fine... not like I put a lot of effort into it... none at all... 

noo... not like I am upset about it either. I'm not really upset over it... just more annoyed than anything. It was my one job but even then they didn't let me do it really, by editing it and not telling me about it. Till the next day... Well anyway I have to go and finish off assignments ... write up notes... and all that shit <3 Peace out :)

This: is what I currently feel like, in fact it may happen in the next few minutes while I type. 

Well it was my first day back at uni, and it was rather full on. Getting up early to help set up on clubs day, then shooting off to class, then back to our table where I became the mime with tape over my mouth to illustrate the point. I was so much fun though.. and the looks I was getting were priceless. :D 

I don't have class till 12 tomorrow, haha very lucky me :), and then one at 1 hehe. But I am rather excited about it all, its political anthropology... and yes I am rather interested in politics and policy stuff. I find it rather fascinating :P 

Anyway, just wanted to tell ya'll how awesome today was. And at the end of the day, Me and my flat mate set up our cheep ass paddling pool, filled it all by hand, chilled out in the sun and our very large foot spa, drank and had pizza for dinner. 

Lol sorry for the lack of enthusiasm but I am exhausted.  

Night night everyone :3

Good morning bloggers and viewers 

I was scouring Facebook today, as I'm sure most people do now days and there was this post that one of my friends had shared. I'll share the link with ya'll (http://tvnz.co.nz/breakfast-news/tvnz-stars-read-their-own-online-abuse-video-5849207). One thing you should know before i start my rant is that I have been bullied most of my life and I am also a part of Stand for the Silent NZ which is an anti-bullying group started in America. It is also on the major topic due to Charlotte Dawson, a New Zealand/Australian TV personality, who committed suicide a few days ago due to abusive messages sent to her. 
RANT START:
I can't seem to wrap my head around why some people would do this, I mean yea there are a few Stars that I'm not a big fan of, but i don't go to their Twitter and outright insult them. I think the Stars are amazing for what they can do. Hell i couldn't be a model... ever, i can't sing, and I'm totally shit at acting let alone a fucking good enough memory to memorize all those lines. And the stunts they do in movies? Hell i would break a bone or 50, or worse, I would dislocate every bone in my body (Jellyfishing). They are some of the most amazing people out there (of course I would say this I am a fan girl) I'm envious of them and all that they can do. Some people seem to forget that they are actually human, they are real people, they aren't some untouchable mystical creature. They are people with an amazing talent, my talent is accepting people as they are lol (not sure if this is an actual talent or not, i think it should be for this day and age, same with commonsense. That is a fucking super-power now days). Maybe those who are hurting others, and sending them hurtful feelings need to do it to rise their own self-esteem. Do they enjoy belittling people? Does it make them feel all the more powerful when they can see their victim crying? Do they enjoy ruining someones day? Making them feel all the more shit about themselves?
I don't fit within your fucking lines, I like being the pen who can't stay within the lines. I like being who I am. So fuck you for judging me when you have no idea who I am, because I don't wear the clothing you want me to? Because I do what I want? Hangout with the "wrong" crowd?

(Tom Hiddleston rage!)

 I happen to be an awesome person, who sticks by my friends and loves them to pieces!
...had a little rage moment...
Sorry about that.. :)
Here is one of my own stories or bullying:

The man I was in love with, controlled me by bullying me. Making me feel as if I was the bad one, hurting him. As the saying goes, we keep the love we think we deserve. He used his words to keep me separated from my family, kept me from hanging with my friends, I lived in my room for the two years I went out with him. He would accuse me of cheating on him, that I didn't love him, that I was a shit girl friend who lied to him. My mental health and self-esteem hit the bottom of the barrel, and I continued to let him hurt me, and break the shattered heart all the more. He was projecting his own actions on to me, if it wasn't for his sister, I would never have learned that he was cheating on me. I had some amazing people in my life during this time that helped me see that I deserved a hell of a lot better that this asshole. It took me a long time to convince myself that I deserved better, but I thank my amazing friends to this day. Though I now know I am better than an abusive relationship, this will still affect me for the rest of my life, it has left me with a lot of trust issues. The actions of others can leave a massive impression of those on the receiving end.
 (we are doing an open day at uni and we were asked if we wanted to submit a story and this was mine) 

Bullying is a major thing, some people pass it off as a normal thing in life that every body goes through. That it builds character. They can make up what ever stories they want, its not the case. It really screws people up. 

When someone asked me what would my boggart be if i was in front of that wardrobe. I said it would be a crowd of people. People are some of the cruelest creatures on plant earth. I'm not saying this to be mean to anyone, but its true. All you need to do it look on the news, pretty sure there is an now an average of murders that are reported.
I'm not the perfect human, far from it, I'll make mistakes, I'll screw up, and I know that some days I just end up saying the wrong things. But bullying and abuse... something I will never condone or do to another being.
Rant over.

My package arrived today! ... the Posty woke me up however :( but yay! Love my mummy who sent it to me hehe! It's only a cat-fur-friendly blanket but still, she sheds a lot! 

Poor baby has an infection to... she is pretty old though... I dont really want to get in a cat rant.. i can talk about her for hours.. she's just so cute.

First day back at Uni tomorrow... but I get to help out at clubs day :) woot woot!! Time for free shit and free food. The recipe for happy students haha.  
Anyway that is me for today people. Hope ya'll have a good one :)

Life at the moment: Pretty much sucks.

My university is making me do only five papers this semester which has put me in one shitty place with Studylink... because I'm not a full time student I can't get course related costs or any allowance so i can have money to live. My parents have to help me out at the moment. It is not my fault that I can only do five papers this year, I have no control over that aspect of things. It feels like I'm being punished for not being able to enter third year. My bad for suffering from extremely bad migraines, my bad, didn't mean to get sick and inconvenience you University or you Studylink. 

I may be a social work student, but all these policies and politics are just making me more and more tired of the system students are in. The Government is like "Students are our future work force, they will improve the future.." and all that blah blah shit. Then how about you invest in those students then, yea you have Studylink and they can apply for grants and scholarships. But those who don't meet your overly anal list of requirements, get fucked over and left with almost nothing. Well done government and supporting those of your future, pretty sure they will end up hating you like kids with abusive and lying parents. 

Many of us who are studying are actually interested in helping our country, to better the way that we live in society. Give them a round of applause for there awesomeness and fucking us over. Well done, well done. 

Current Mood: 

I'm not okay!
I'm not okay!
I'm not okay!
You wear me out!

You said you'd read me like a book,
But the pages are all torn and frayed.

Now I'm okay!
I'm okay!
I'm okay now!

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth!
I mean this, I'm okay!
Trust me!

I'm not okay!
I'm not okay!
Well, I'm not okay!
I'm not o-fucking-kay!
I'm not okay!
I'm not okay!

Ooouuu! Ou! Just have to say that I'm getting a package in the mail... what is the relevance of this information? Its a freaking package in the mail.. its like Christmas has come early... got to enjoy the simple things in life..

Anyway, that is all the ranting for today... much love!