Hi nonblog readers, how have you all been? Its been such a long time.
I just took some time to scroll down the blog page.. I am so sorry about the weirdness of my mind. It goes from rage/rant to poet..wtf XD
Anyway. That is not why I am here today. Today is such a strange day. I am feeling reasonably good. Little to no incidents of doubt in my mind. And the little there is I am questioning.
So here it goes. I figured out today, other than in a work situation (which even then I am as artistic and fluent in the practice of charisma as a wet noddle), I am totally shit at interactions with people I have not spent extended amounts of time around.
I was blind sided by a hug by a friend today, and dear god was I lost for words. "Oh hi, do you like my tattoo? I got it done a few weeks ago, I just didnt tell anyone..."
Damn I am smooth right? Again, my statement of effectiveness as a wet noodle is accurtate.
In reflection of my blurps in behaviour and speach, attitudes, etc, I put down to the lack of observations and addaption into society due to inner conflict of the mind.
I mean, the evidence below in all the previous blog posts pretty much backs up this observation and gives validity to it.
Even now I am looking back at my interactions today. I shouldnt because that is a common action when doubt controls my mind. But I guess its habit now.
I was texting J, about how I was feeling weird. But I felt I approached the situation wrong, sent the wrong words. DOUBT very present in the interaction.
Logic came out not long after and kindly stateted that she could be busy, dealing with her own shit, or otherwise engaged.
I just wanted to tell someone, with a little knowledge to how I was feeling, about what was going on. Basicly, inside my soul feels lite, flying, free, so a good feeling. Like I am happy (I mean what the fuck am I doing feeling happy? Its such an odd feeling for me), but I still have doubt ever present there,but more in the form of a weight that is clouding around me. I very much want to break free of it.
HUH!! Is it ever really that easy for me?
I am also very much recovered from the lastest heart break. Though that whole situtation is still confusing as fuck for me. But I am rolling with the punches and getting on with life.
If only this feeling had come along sooner. Just because I am behind yet another year in my course.
I am not sad for it. But rather greatful in fact. I think I needed a little break from the stress of student life. I am still doing papers. But Just 3 instead of 5 over the whole year. Am I very lucky when it comes to my lecturers. They are amazing and really accomidating. I am so greatful to them.
And guess what guys.. I am acctually going to get my learners this year.. AHHH (it is something I am a bit scared of..driving, that is)
I want to be able to hop in my car and just drive to go see my mum when ever I want (I know how childish that sounds) same with my other family. They are only two hours away, and would be easy for me when I need to be around family. Plus my sister wouldn't complain to me so much about not seeing her often :D
I am a nice big sister, I even cook for her when I am down to see her. I rememher when she got so mad at me for cleaning her apartment.
It was not my fault guys! She left me there, alone... it was messy.. I got bored after watching all of my daily youtube videos.. hehe
Anyway my non-bloggers I am going to go back to reading my fanfic, Just thought I would give a little update on how things are in my life.
I hope you guys are fantastic, happy, and doing the things you love. If not. Big huggles from me to you.
Peace out <3
