Battles and scars

Hey non-blog readers, 

so it is yet another long night for me and the voices in my head so i figure i would write here again. I am actually listening to Katy Perry to help XD

Anyway, so the voices.. they are just being their fantastic selves again. "I feel it may have been to soon to get into a relationship" are the words that keep flashing past my minds eye. 

Truth be told, IT FUCKING SUCKS (the flashing words, just to clarify)

But yes, relationships are hard, considering there are multiple voices in my head that my partner also has to deal with, not a really fair deal. 

I want to get better, not just for me, but for him to... i mean fuck.. what is it like dating soneone like me? Shit haha it was like the convo today, he said he wasn't as complicated as he thought. I said i was complicated enough for the both of us.. he agreed.. i wasn't sure if i should laugh for feel offended haha. But its true sadly. I wish i was less complicated, i wish i could be rid of depression, and not live through and FIGHT every step of my life against myself. 

I can just see it in my head, two of me, this side of me ragged, tired, blue and black. The other is darker, pale and covered in scars and blood, grinning at me with blood pouring from her lips as she spits her vile lies, her dark truths and horrid exaggerations. The both of us running to each other in the epic battle of who will run the small body and brain in the corner, so small. The body screaming as the two war it out for control. 

I want to get better before this bleeds my heart out. 

I want to build him up,

not tear him down.

I want to be the good part,

not just the bad.

Peace out non-readers <3